Grocery Shopping for Singles

Unless you still live with your family (or a family of some kind), as a single woman you have, at some point, dealt with the issue of cooking for one. Although it can be a fun time to explore options and creativity and try new recipes with only your own health and taste buds to worry about, it can also get tiresome. Of course, you could eat out and get take-out for every. single. meal, but that gets quickly, ridiculously expensive.

I was doing some research to find ways to save on groceries that wasn’t the already-heard-fifty-times “Use coupons,” “Buy generic/on sale/in season,” and “Don’t shop when you’re hungry.” I found one great post on the site Wise Bread (which I had admittedly never read before) called, “Grocery Shopping for the Cheap and Lazy.” Despite its (honest) title, the advice is also good for singles, even if they are neither cheap nor lazy.

The article includes such gems as:

Sure, maybe I use too much salt and vinegar, but hey, it’s my palate, and if I want everything to taste like dill pickles, so be it. I’ll worry about someone else’s palate when the time comes.

Also, “Do not fear butter. It makes everything better.” I’m pretty sure I want that on a bumper sticker for my car someday.

Some of the advice is common sense: don’t buy things in bulk if you won’t use it all, and cook foods that will taste good as leftovers. Some of it is less conventional, but still makes sense: be sure to try ethnic foods and shop at ethnic stores, allow yourself one indulgent item that will make you happy to cook, and if you must drink, booze it up at home for cheaper.

Be sure to check out the entertaining article, and many of the links from it. You’ll learn something.

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Non-Negotiable, Or Just Too Picky?

Disclaimer: I discuss my political beliefs in this post more than usual. I’m not trying to argue any of them, I’m just using them as examples and illustrations and, as always, you are all totally free to disagree with me.

This is one of the few posts that I wrote for my personal blog that, after it was published, I thought, “Hey, I should share this with more people.”

If you’ve read my sometimes-sensical ramblings for a significant length of time, you know that I’ve waffled over the will-I-won’t-I get married, or do-I-don’t-I-even-want-to. After several church sermons, some prayer, and reading How to Avoid Falling in Love With a Jerk, I’ve decided that I do want to get married … eventually. Not next week, obviously. Not even next year. But definitely some day in the however-distant future.

This has had an interesting effect on my prayer life, how I see guys, how I see myself, my spiritual desires, and what I think I’m looking for in a life partner.

For one thing, after mentally rejecting a guy who is my polar opposite when it comes to politics (and economics), I began to wonder, Am I being too picky if I reject guys who significantly differ from me when it comes to politics?

I’ve casually mentioned before that I am really into politics and economics (especially the theoretical/principle side), and I have always been especially attracted to guys who share my libertarian ideas. And if they’re libertarian Christians, then hooooo boy—instant chemistry!

Now, I am particularly extreme in my libertarian ideas, and many of my beliefs are rare in general, and especially so for a Christ-follower. So if a guy who is extremely different from me when it comes to economics is still interested in me, should I just shrug off such differences and say “Well, we can agree to disagree?”

After thinking about this for a while, I came to several conclusions.

First of all, let it be known that I do not expect to marry someone who is as extreme as I am. I know that such people are relatively rare, and I’m completely reconciled to the idea that I’m not going to marry someone who agrees with me 100% when it comes to politics/economics. I’m not saying it’s impossible, I just know it’s improbable enough not to expect it. (Also, I’m not trying to be like, LOOK AT ME AND WHAT A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE I AM! I HAVE NO EQUAL! BWA HA HA! Well, I mean, in a way that’s true, but … look, I’m just not trying to brag about it.)

I also know that a lot of people aren’t that interested in politics and/or economics. Which is also fine. And there are people who ARE interested, but not in a way that affects how they see the world. I am perfectly willing to concede that two people with vastly different political beliefs could create a very happy marriage, depending on how deeply those beliefs run.

However, my political and economic beliefs are right up there with my faith in shaping how I view the world and how I live.  Therefore, I can’t imagine being happy with someone who significantly differs from me when it comes to those things, because it affects so much about me—how I take in the news, how I perceive society, what I consider a social right/wrong, how I like to spend my time. This is one of those things where a little difference is well and good, but a lot of difference makes for complete incompatibility.

Allow me to excessively drive my point home by creating a secular, hypothetical example. Let’s say we have a casual vegetarian—maybe for her health or simply for taste preferences. That person is more likely to tolerate a common omnivore than, say, a strict vegan who is so because of her beliefs regarding animal rights. The strict vegan may cultivate a lasting relationship with someone who is a casual vegetarian, but she probably wouldn’t be able to marry, say, a hunter. They could say that they’ll “agree to disagree,” but ultimately these differing beliefs affect so much of their lives—not only what they eat, but what they wear, how they see the world around them, and how they spend their time. It’s unlikely that they can be easily reconciled. The more casual vegetarian, however, may be perfectly willing to accept hunting and meat-eating, because their “brand” of vegetarianism is not a deep-seated part of who they are.

Let’s say, metaphorically speaking, that I’m the meat-eating hunter—I may be able to forge a lasting relationship with a casual vegetarian, but any further differences beyond that is probably just not going to work, based on my set of values.

Maybe Hypothetical Future Husband Guy believes that government should be tiny, but should still have more powers than I think it should. Maybe he likes Sarah Palin way more than I do (read: at all). Maybe he believes in a Fair Tax, or that certain people should be restricted from owning firearms, or that some drugs should not be legalized. As long as we can agree on major things—smaller government = better, and free-market capitalism is the best economic system available—even if he’s not as enthusiastic as I am, that’s a better recipe for success than someone who subscribes to Keynesian economics and believes in high corporate taxes and strict gun control.

My conclusion: While “agreeing to disagree” on politics is the best approach when it comes to coworkers, friends, and family members, I don’t think it’s the proper stance for me when seeking a future life partner.

So no, I’m not being too picky. Well, I am, but reasonably so.

So what about you? Are there any non-negotiables or barely-negotiables that sound superficial but may actually be fundamental for a future relationship? Think about what’s really important to you—in a godly way.

I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who have real-life examples that would shoot down my inexperienced theories. I’m just waiting to hear someone comment with, “Actually, my uncle is a meat-eating hunter who runs down roadkill for fun and his wife is a raw-food vegan who doesn’t wear leather and they’ve been happily married for 30 years.” If you know of a couple like that, please share. I would love to hear that story.

Additional disclaimer: Just so we’re clear, I’m only talking about non-salvation related issues that truly are a matter of opinion, biblically speaking. Obviously there are things that the Bible makes perfectly clear are non-negotiable, such as the Christ-follower’s calling to marry only another believer and not be “unequally yoked.” I’m not talking about anything quite that serious and deep-seated. This is just good, clean, hypothetical fun.

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Work it From the Inside-Out

My Monday-night small group, not to be confused with my Sunday-night small group (I know, I know, you are just overwhelmed by my blinding holiness — i’m so spiritual, I get to use the carpool lane when I’m on my way to heaven) is currently discussing the idea of “true beauty” and the world’s view compared to the Lord’s view. One of the Scripture passages we read was:

1 Peter 3:3-4: Your adornment must not be merely external–braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.

This got me thinking how the world’s recommendation—magazines, websites, TV, etc.—says to work on the outside first. Get fit, get the right makeup, wear clothes that comple/iment your body, act sexy, and then you’ll feel better inside—confident, radiant, motivated!

The problem with that is that it’s so unstable. Even if you’re totally put-together, if you step outside into one sudden rainstorm, the whole package of well-done hair/makeup/outfit is literally washed away.

But when you work on the inside first—focusing on the gentle and quiet spirit and putting emphasis on outward appearance last—then not even the heaviest rainstorm can wash that away. And of course, “gentle and quiet spirit” doesn’t mean being weak, a pushover, and never speaking (fortunately for me), but having peace in the Lord and resting in Him.

And although inner peace and the love of Christ can shine out of us even on our worst-looking days, not even the most professional makeup or trendiest clothes can completely hide a harsh tongue or a broken spirit.

Proverbs 31:30: Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

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Eureka! At Last!

Several weeks after joining an 11-week Bible study, and I have had my first “aha!” moment.

I love those moments.

I wasn’t sure if I would have one, truth be told. It seemed that the class would be very interesting, but would build on my preexisting knowledge rather than provide brilliant new insights. I should have been more patient, but the Spirit finally flipped that illuminating switch in my brain.

As I said before, we have been studying Abraham, starting from Genesis mid-12 and so far reaching chapter 18. This covers about 25 years of Abraham’s life, and guess what we haven’t even gotten to yet? The birth of Isaac, the child God promised to Abraham and Sarah.

When studying patience, learning to wait on God, and searching our hearts to decide if we really think anything is too difficult for God, Bible studies and leaders often refer to Abraham. After all, he waited about 25 years before he began to see God’s promises fulfilled in the birth of Isaac, not counting the 75 years he had lived before God made His first promise to Abraham. But there’s another part of the story that I had never seen until today.

I never considered how gradual the Lord was in revealing His plans to Abraham.

The Lord didn’t just appear to Abraham one day and say, “Look, here’s what’s going down and what I’m gonna do for you. You’re going to the land of Canaan, which I’ll give to you and your descendants and all the nations that will come out of them. In a few years, say about 25, your wife, Sarah, is going to have a son by you at an insanely old age, say 90 or 91, and you’ll name him Isaac. Several generations from then my Son will be born of your descendants and He will redeem all of mankind forever and ever.”

That’s what was promised, but that’s not how God announced it.

First He says, “Leave your family and go to this place that I’ll show you.”

Once that was complete: “OK, see this land? You and your descendants will possess it all.”

Then, in the face of doubt: “Don’t worry, your descendants will come from your own body.”

Then: “OK, ‘wife’ should have been implied, but yes, it is your wife Sarah who will have your promised child. Oh, Ishmael? No, it’s okay, he’s taken care of.”

A little later: “All right, next year is when it’s all happening—you’ll have a son, and name him Isaac, and he will live under My covenant and all his descendants. Sarah, stop laughing. Just you wait. Trust Me, I’m God. I can do this.”

And guess what happened? All of it.

I can’t tell you what Abraham was thinking for those 25 years, but I can imagine. Maybe he was hoping that God would be a little more specific a little sooner. Maybe he wondered if he had misheard God in the first place, or that God hadn’t given him all the information he needed. Perhaps he wondered if God had deliberately left out information that Abraham had to figure out on his own.

God gave Abraham the information that he needed, as he needed it. God took the time to build a relationship with Abraham, who was living in a pagan land and probably was not entirely familiar with El Roi when He called him elsewhere. God did not overwhelm Abraham with a barrage of details regarding what would happen in his life. God led Abraham step by step, working through his human mistakes, assuring his human concerns, and finally bringing an answer to his wife’s doubtful laughter.

It all came together, but only the Lord knew every step and how they would all match up. And in several thousand years, I can’t see how that’s changed much.

What will happen in our lives? If we truly live by faith, if we really trust the Lord, and if we truly believe that nothing is too difficult for him, then all we can do is take everything one day at a time, working with the information that He provides, and having faith that He knows what’s going on. Because God’s got a plan, and it will work out somehow, even if it’s not exactly how we might have preferred, and even if we don’t have all the details.

As usual, the breakthrough is the easy part. The hard part is 1. Remembering the lesson, and 2. Applying it to the rest of my life.

Romans 4:18-22 is a relevant passage in Scripture, and one that was part of my Bible study homework this week:

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.”

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True Love is More Than Skin-Deep

I deserve to marry Josh Groban more than his average fan.

Why?

Because I find him unattractive.

Huh?

Yes. And yet I adore him. Because I love his music and his voice. (Cheesy? Indeed, sometimes, but I’m rather fond of certain cheeses.) And his Twitter account is absolutely hilarious. Therefore, my love is not based on something shallow like appearance. … Plus, he has a doofy charm about him.

(Please, no one email/comment to tell me what a jerk he is in real life. I don’t want to know.)

It’s kind of like a mild version of Phantom of the Opera — physically unattractive with a beautiful singing voice. Though I hope that Josh Groban doesn’t kill people with magical lassos and trap them in torture chambers. That is, I’m assuming he doesn’t, but you never know with these celebrity types.

But if I may be serious for a moment, listening to his music actually does makes me think, “I should keep Josh Groban in mind when I think of my future husband.” Not that I’m going to marry Josh Groban — just that I should remember that I’m probably going to marry a man who is not 100% my ideal, physically. But, just like my job, and Josh Groban, he will have a number of qualities that will more than make up for it.

There. That’s my not-entirely-sober thought for the day. Tomorrow’s Friday Frivolity will actually make more sense.

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A Love Letter

According to Bethany, my spiritual gift is Ranting. Hence, this letter.

Dear Valentine’s Day:

There is no sense in denying that, for years, we have lived with a powerful mutual loathing. Although I have been long resigned to this state of existence, I am aware that it was not always so. In my childhood, you were simply a random day in the middle of winter reserved for wearing pink or red, eating chalk-flavored candies with “Fax Me” printed on them, and cutting out hearts with red construction paper. Maybe there were cupcakes or cards from Grandma, but that was the general gist of it.

Upon entering middle school, however, these relatively pleasant memories were corrected, to be replaced with memories of adding to the usual 12-year-old angst reminders that I was an unpopular outcast, when I witnessed my classmates pair up to “go out” with one another (to where? McDonald’s?) and send the pretty, more popular girls carnations—with the number received clearly illustrating one’s middle-school social caste.

Sadly, this tradition was carried on into high school, though we were mature enough to at least pretend to laugh it off, and perhaps send carnations to our most beloved, still-single friends in an act of solidarity and mutual comfort. This comfort was particularly critical for the high-school spinsters who clutched the carnations to their bosoms as they rushed between Spanish class and choir practice, dodging through the obstacle course that featured more than a few couples engaged in the infamous hallway-make-out sessions.

With the progression to college, it was hoped that such unseemly acts of immaturity would be left behind in an environment of education and openness. However, the act of Flower-Based Social Stratification remained, especially perpetuated by young women whose eyes glinted like Tiffany diamonds and whose fangs dripped with brownie batter, hoping to impress the guy in the dorm across the street so that the lyrical vow of “Ring By Spring” would be honored. Such women sneered and taunted those who dared to defy the spirits and deities of Valentine’s Day by wearing any color that was not red or pink (with mercy given to those who wore white, but particular woe upon those who dared to wear black!), and rolled their eyes at those who postponed a day of celebration to take advantage of candy sales on Feb. 15.

Unfortunately, my dear Valentine’s Day, even in the “real world” after the bubble of college, I cannot escape your hatred, and you continue to cultivate mine. Although I am known as a staunch libertarian and defender of free-market capitalism, you are, with very little doubt, the one result of true capitalism that I despise over every other.

I hate everything you stand for: overpriced greeting cards, low-quality chocolate, candy message hearts (which STILL taste like chalk), shallow sentiment felt only because society has told us that it MUST be felt, pointless traditions (as no one really knows which St. Valentine is being honored on 2/14), the color pink, obligations to celebrate (much like New Year’s Eve, Mardis Gras, St. Patrick’s Day, and the U.S. Fourth of July), the societal requirement either to feel bad about being single or to celebrate singleness as a way to overcompensate, bad romantic comedies, and disrespect for the (possible) death of a martyr—especially one who (may have) died in defiance of one of history’s greatest tyrannies.

This year, I was about to declare a truce and say that perhaps this year it will not be bad after all, since a dear friend will be in town to visit, and another dear friend who already lives here will be around. But now this dear friend is sick, and the flight has been canceled, as we are currently buried in several unprecedented feet of snow, and I am unable to even see ANYone, but must remain in my small and drafty apartment, without even the comfort of booze or chocolate to sustain me.

I wanted to think better of you this time, Valentine’s Day. I was ready to offer the olive branch, the white flag, but then you decided to pull this charming little stunt. And for that, I feel obligated to keep on hating you, until I am a shriveled old spinster living with my hypoallergenic cats and throwing chalky candy hearts at passersby.

With All Sincerity,

Me.

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Friday Frivolity: A Cure for VD

I was going to publish a “love letter” to Valentine’s Day that I had already written and published on my personal blog and on Facebook. I may still do that on Sunday.

BUT when I came to sign in to WordPress.com, I found this lovely post on WP’s homepage: 10 Anti-Valentine’s Day Cards. Even if you like Valentine’s Day *coughbethanycough* do check it out. This one, for example, struck just the right chord with me. I may employ the unethical use of office resources and print them out to distribute to my coworkers. (Though it may be inappropriate for my married-with-three-kids boss.)

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Whine: What is it Good For?

Philippians 2:14-16: Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain.

Moving from the MidWest to the DC Metro Area has been a massive learning experience. One thing I have learned is that Washington, D.C., really does have an attitude of, “I am the center of the universe and everything works through Me.” Considering the nature of government, and everything that goes on here, this attitude is definitely not unfounded—though that doesn’t mean it’s right. Even someone like myself, who neither works nor lives within The District (and indeed has a suspicion of government that runs deep, long, and wide), can get a little bit caught up in this sentiment.

But you know what? It’s not just me, and it’s not just here. It is, in fact, one of the less beautiful things about being human. To each of us, our problems, our feelings, our ideas and opinions, are the most important in the world. In a small way, that’s necessary to maintain a sense of self-preservation, without which the human race would die out. But we always take that too far, turning it into a terrible attitude of arrogance, self-importance, and disinterest in our fellow human beings.

I started thinking about this in depth yesterday, when I had to summarize an article about children in Guinea who are dying of preventable diseases such as smallpox, measles, and mumps. Their health needs are going unheeded because of sectarian violence that has gripped the nation and distracted the government, the economy, and the people, while international sanctions are preventing any kind of aid from reaching them. The article is here if you’re interested, but be warned that there are some pictures that may be disturbing.

Anyway, I shared this article with Bethany, who pointed out that this made her feel kind of ashamed of the things she complains about. This got me thinking: If I kept track of everything I complained about in a single day, I think I would be overwhelmed, embarrassed, and probably a little indignant, too.

Right now, the U.S. Mid-Atlantic region is still reeling from 8 days of heavy snows and wind. I’ve gone to the office only 4 of the past 9 workdays. Two weekends’ worth of plans have been disrupted, and I’ve been crabby with my roommate and bored with the food supplies I had stocked up in anticipation of these storms. We’ve had electricity and Internet go out a couple times. There’s been a lot for us to complain about.

BUT: I do not wake up in fear for my life, and I do not worry that I’m going to get shot as I go about the course of my day. I’m concerned about germs and proper food storage, but in my daily activities I’m not actually worried that I will catch a life-threatening disease. I’m not worried where my next meal is coming from, or that it is not coming at all. I’m not worried that my entire family could be killed simply because my religion is different from my neighbor’s.

But guess what I have? A roof over my head. A refrigerator full of food. Bottles full of basic medicines and vitamins. Bottles of vitamin water. Soap, makeup, perfume, and shampoo. A car with a full tank of gas and a snow shovel to dislodge it from its parking space. Hot water. Piles of blankets. Piles of clothes. Clean air and sunshine. A cell phone to keep in touch with people. Grocery stores within walking distance. The power has not been out for more than a few hours at a time. I can work from home and not use up vacation days or risk my safety.

And what have I been complaining about lately? How much I hate Valentine’s Day. How disappointed I am at not seeing the friends I want to see when I wanted to see them. I’m stuck inside, in the warmth. I have to shovel snow off my car. I’m not getting the right attention from the right guys. The sidewalks aren’t shoveled. My bedroom window is drafty. I don’t have any chocolate in my apartment. My church service was canceled last week. My boss actually expects me to work and do my job. I’m tired. I’m bored. My mom is too busy to call me back. The Subway where I’m writing this post is playing country music.

Maybe, just maybe, that whenever I complain about truly vain and trivial things, I will think of the children in Guinea, and I’ll pray for their physical health and spiritual salvation, and maybe I’ll have an attitude with a little more gratitude and humility. And remember Philippians 2:14-16.

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A Metaphor for Life, Work, and Love

Can I tell you a story?

Of course I can.

Would you like to hear it?

Of course you would.

Once upon a time (yes, we’re going with this intro), there was a young woman who moved from the MidWest United States to the Nation’s Capital to seek her fortune. She targeted many positions at some glamorous companies and organizations, attending interview after interview, constantly searching for her perception of the ideal job. Friends, former coworkers, former employers, and college professors recommended her highly. It was an exciting place to be at one of the most exciting, freest times of her life, and she was determined to see her dreams come true.

Unfortunately, time after time, her applications were so often denied, or she reached the top of the interview process only to be passed over for someone else who had just a liiiiittle bit more to offer. After months of such disappointments, the young woman began to wonder if anyone would ever want to hire her. She had a variety of talents, recommendations, and passions, although perhaps she lacked experience—but that could be changed, if she were only given the chance! Maybe there was no place in existence that could use her set of skills. Perhaps she had made a terrible mistake by moving there in the first place. Perhaps there was something wrong with her approach, or her resume, or her interview skills.

Then, one day, this young woman went in for an interview at a small, unassuming company she had never heard of—except for an ad it had placed in an unexpected location, seeking someone with just the sort of skills she could offer. She liked the people she met there, and the office had a nice atmosphere. Over the course of the interview, she began to think she liked the sound of this job. There were a few things that made her balk—a start time of 6:30am, for one thing, and a low starting salary. It definitely was not the sort of work, or sort of office, she had anticipated when she had first begun to seek adventure. But she liked her would-be boss, the work sounded interesting enough, it matched her skills, it would give her experience, and after all, she didn’t have to stick with it forever, right?

Suddenly, the young woman woke up and realized that she had been at this job for well over a year. What had happened? Well, she had made friends there, and learned new skills and new information, received raises and bonuses, and learned to appreciate the shift of 6:30am to 2:45pm—especially in the winter, when she could leave the office and still have daylight left. She had more than enough money to get by, and an easy commute, and a job that provided somewhat interesting dinner-party chatter. Of course, there were things she did not like about her job all the time, such as a 10pm bedtime and 5am wakeup call, but they were simply part of the whole package, and she considered it well worth the trouble. She was not too far away from friends and family, and had weekends and holidays free. Of course, she had made some sacrifices, but her life was far from over, and she knew that other adventures would soon come her way. Some days she would wake up and think, “What am I doing? I hate this. I’m so bored,” but that would change after a while, and she would realize she was right where she was supposed to be, and that it was all going to be okay.

Now for, as Paul Harvey would say, the “rest of the story.”

Yes, that young woman is me, and yes, I went through all of that in my process of moving to the DC area and getting a job. Occasionally I think, “How did I get here?” and it’s pretty clear that God’s grace was fully involved.

So, what’s my point? Why did I tell you this?

Well, I started thinking how my job search is kind of like my “search” for a boyfriend, a husband, a significant other. Of course, I’m not actually ready to be married, and I don’t intend to be for a while. But most days, I think that I would at least like a boyfriend. Some days I think, “Why would anyone want to be married? Being single is ridiculously great.” Other days I think, “When will this terrible season of life-sucking singleness end?”

The thought that dominates in these times, though, is: “Where is he, and why haven’t I found him yet?”

I often forget this, but I believe that, if I do get married, or enter into a long-term relationship of some kind, it will be similar to how I got my current job. I had no idea what was going to happen and I was about to give up, and it just kind of worked out over time, often in unexpected ways. There are things that are difficult about it, of course, but it has benefits that go hand-in-hand, and other great things that I never even expected.

For example, I’m not a morning person, and I hate that I can’t go out too late (at least not often) and I hate that it’s difficult for me to sleep. I hate waking up before dawn every day of the year. BUT … if I had the option of starting later and getting out later, at 5:30pm with everyone else, I wouldn’t do it. I like being able to have a couple hours of daylight left, even in the winter. I like being able to go to the bank, get a haircut, or go to the dentist during normal office hours without having to take off work. And I love being able to leave and drive to visit family and get there at a reasonable hour, and not having to deal with the brunt of rush hour either in the morning or evening.

The scariest part is that the 6:30 start time had not been posted in the ad. If it had, I would not have looked twice at it, and would have kept searching for something else. Not until I was at the interview did I find that out, but by then I realized that I did want the job, and I was going to have to make it work somehow.

When I think about that, I remember that God has it all worked out, even in the boyfriend department, even in the lifetime-single-or-not department. Even if I have an idea of what I want to do, it may not work out that way. What does happen is not going to be perfect, but it’s going to work out in ways that I didn’t even fathom.

If I am going to get married someday, he is probably not going to match my idea of what is perfect for me, and he may not be someone to whom I would otherwise give a second look. Maybe he will be. But ultimately it’s in God’s hands, and he knows what’s best for me, and how it’s all going to happen. It will probably not be what I thought I wanted, or should have, but it’s going to be fantastic in ways I hadn’t considered. There will be things I don’t like about him and our relationship, but taking the bad with the good is what life is all about.

ULTIMATE LESSON(S):

1. Trust God.

2. Don’t give up hope, but keep an open mind.

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Weekly Feature Seeks Clever Title

Hello dear readers! Today I am launching a new weekly feature, for which I am still seeking a snappy title, with the hopes that it  will help me to be with you on a more regular basis than say, once every two months. I will be sharing a quote with you that I find interesting, inspiring, or thought provoking and simply musing about it a bit, and of course welcoming your musings as well.  The patient and very brilliant Emily deserves all the credit for coming up with the idea.

This week’s quote is more on the funny side, and is in honor my–successful–trip back to the States for Christmas:

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. –Judith Viorst

It speaks to me, and not only because I am sincerely thankful not to have been stuck in a holding pattern over Philadelphia (‘specially as I flew into Pittsburgh).  It also speaks to me because I’m a bit skeptical about falling in love. Certainly it must be a pleasant thing (and in comparison to a tight girdle or an automobile accident, downright fabulous) but it honestly sounds exahausting, and the first throes of love are never what I’m looking forward to when I look forward to the end of my perpetual singleness. (Though perhaps this attitude is partly to blame for that circumstance – when I recently explained my disinclination for falling in love to a friend, he immediately replied: “someone’s going to end up a spinster.“ Hmm.) There is just something about the obsessive, uncontrolled nature of romantic love that does not appeal to me.  I don’t want to only be able to think of one person, want to be near him every minute, make relatively dumb decisions for his sake. My tendency towards maintaining self-control makes such a state fairly undesirable.

That being said, love is something I really value – not love as romantic, fleeting, but love as giving, choosing, sacrificing, lasting. Not love at first sight, but rather the idea that love, like friendship (to quote dear George Washington), is “plant of slow growth“ which grows through difficulties, through getting to know one another better, through sharing your time and thoughts and weaknesses and strenghts. Love in which true friendship is a large component.

So, those are my musings. How do you feel about falling in love? Tight girdles? Flying? Snow? Fuzzy socks? A title for this feature? I’d love to hear what you have to say.

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Generosity in These Times

Yes, it’s a video, but no, it’s not Friday Frivolity.

Now, OK, I’m not gung-ho about Fox News. I don’t even watch TV, since I have the Internet for news and movies. But I am a fan of John Stossel, who recently moved from ABC to Fox Business to do his own show. YouTube recommended this video for me, and when I watched it, I thought I would pass it along to our readers.

Here, in a brief segment, he discusses real examples of real generosity across the country. Despite the difficult economic times, true charity has not been squashed. I thought you all might appreciate seeing this, given that it’s the Christmas season, and we could all use a little extra cheer in Times Like These.

In other news, please pray for Bethany today. She is en route from Berlin to the States, coming home for Christmas and New Year’s. In less than 2 weeks, the Sisterhood of Perpetual Singleness will be together for the first time since July!

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Things I Love About Being Single

Holiday season is upon us, and it seems to be the second-most popular time to be pressured into having a date or Significant Other, whether it be for Thanksgiving and other family get-togethers, for Christmas parties, for New Year’s, etc. (The most popular, of course, is wedding season.)

For me, however, the annual headache of divvying up my time among my parents’ families, stepfamilies, friends, and so on, makes me think, “How do married/serious couples do it?” There’s always the debate of whether to spend Christmas or Thanksgiving at his family’s or her family’s, or somewhere else entirely. Double the stress if there are divorced parents who have remarried, creating several families for each spouse/partner.

This got me thinking how happy I am to be single and not have to worry about in-laws. It naturally followed that I started thinking of other reasons why I’m glad to be single. Here’s what I have so far, in no particular order:

1. No divvying up visits between more families (and it’s hard enough for me to see family, step-family, and “unofficially adopted” family)

2. No in-laws to worry about any time of the year

3. Don’t have to worry about another person’s nutritional wants/needs. I can make all my meals to my own specifications, and no one else’s.

4. No need to be concerned about kids—having, raising, etc.

5. Ogling guys with zero guilt (unless they are engaged or married)

6. My paycheck is my responsibility. Although this is half-blessing, half-curse, as I’m not a fan of budgeting. But I am a big fan of personal responsibility and having sole possession over the fruits of my labors that the IRS deigns to permit me to keep.

7. I get to decide where I go on vacation!

8. I really do enjoy my solo activities. Although I don’t like cocktail parties or going out to eat by myself (unless it’s Panera and I have my laptop), I do enjoy going to movies and museums alone.

9. If I ever decided to get a pet, I could get whatever I wanted. But judging from my less-than-stellar ability to keep houseplants alive, I probably should avoid any responsibility for the well-being of another living creature.

10. I have the freedom to move residences and towns and experiment with my life and job without having to be concerned about how it affects a romantic relationship.

11. Freedom to learn about myself and get to know myself as a person.

12. Time, space, freedom, etc. to build up and explore my relationship with God.

13. No worries about abandoning girlfriends or disappearing from everyone’s radar because I’m in a relationship. (Seriously, why does this happen?)

14. No risk of making anyone feel squicked out by our PDA. (Again, why does this need to happen?)

I may add more to this list as things come to me. But I thought I should post it now, since I’m not sure if there will be a Friday Frivolity this week, as I will be out of town for Thanksgiving and Internet access will be limited. If that is the case, have a wonderful holiday to our American readers, and I wish a wonderful week on everyone!

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God is Shamelessly Extravagant

No Friday Frivolity today—I have to share something that occurred to me as I was doing a little devotional time at my work desk here.

I was reading Isaiah 40:31 as part of my Monday night Bible study, but then decided to go back and read all of 40, and then 41. This passage in particular struck me:

Isaiah 41:17-18: “The afflicted and needy are seeking water, but there is none, and their tongue is parched with thirst; I, the LORD, will answer them Myself, as the God of Israel I will not forsake them. I will open rivers on the bare heights and springs in the midst of the valleys; I will make the wilderness a pool of water and the dry land fountains of water.”

The “afflicted and needy,” who have tongues “parched with thirst,” would probably be satisfied and immensely grateful if the Lord simply handed them a cup of water from heaven. That alone would be amazing.

But our God is a God of love, of abundance, and of shameless extravagance. How many times have we prayed to Him for something, waited for something, and wanted something, thinking how unfair it is that we don’t receive it? Surely God can hurry up with that little cup of water, right? It’s such a little thing, it shouldn’t be hard for him to provide to us, right?

Hold on a sec. He wants a heck of a lot more for us. We might be satisfied with a glass of water, but God is not. He wants to “open the rivers on the bare heights,” and “make the wilderness a pool of water.” And when He does, He wants to make sure we notice.

Have you ever received a blessing that far surpassed what you were hoping for? Think about it.

The Lord wants to be ridiculously generous with us. Our God is a God of shameless extravagance.

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If It Were Easy to Do, We Wouldn’t Have to be Told!

Something I’ve realized as I go dancing through life:

It may be hard to be kind and polite to, and to pray for, people you don’t like. But being kind to them, and especially praying for them, also makes it harder to dislike them.

I know it’s a basic concept, but sometimes we need a little refresher. Since God gave me such a reminder tonight, I thought I would pass it on.

Bless!

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Additional Words of Encouragement

Thanks to everyone who commented on the last post! The responses were amazing, well-thought-out, insightful, and more numerous than I had anticipated. I really appreciate it—especially because many of you put into words the concerns that I had, but somehow could not express. (And don’t worry, this isn’t someone I am dating or even considering.)

Now on to the true purposes of this post…

Dear Friends:

I’m posting this so people will read it (Duh), because I consider it exceedingly important. I have a special message for any of you who comes across this blog and may be going through some kind of difficulty right now.

Here is the message:

Everything is going to be OK.

I know, I may have oversimplified it a bit, so allow me to explain. Many of us are going through difficult times—whether it’s related to our job, church, family, residence, health, relationship, education, and so on—and are not sure what to do, how to react, or what things will be like once we have emerged from the other side of it.

But it’s going to be OK!

How do I know? For three months after I graduated from (a prestigious-for-a-tiny-four-year-liberal-arts) college, I was unemployed with a useless degree. I was busting my butt trying to find a job around my (sort-of) hometown, with little encouragement and nowhere else to go.

I was also over-paying rent for a house I lived in by myself, and come winter I found out that the house had leaky windows and no insulation, and one month my gas bill was over $180.

By that time I had gotten the only job I was able to get, which involved working for a drug-testing company and included collecting urine samples. Most of my workday involved being harassed (sexually and otherwise), scammed, and cursed at by nasty, sometimes-violent, drug-dependent and -dealing patients from the very dregs of society. During that time, and even now, I remain pro-drug-legalization, but I wanted to see all these people arrested simply because I hated them. (Most of them—a few were nice and cooperative.)

Several months later, in trying to find a job in the DC area, I had three excellent prospects and was turned down by all of them. I was also rejected for an internship that I wanted very badly—one for which a college professor had recommended me. By this point I was seriously questioning my faith and decided that prayer, church-going, Bible study, and God in general wasn’t getting me anywhere, so f*** it, I was going to take it from there, all by myself.

I basically said, “God, I know You’re there, but I don’t want to have anything to do with You anymore.”

That was the night that, not wanting to be alone, I drove to the house of a dear friend of mine. This friend was, in fact, teaching in Mexico at the time, but I was still friends with her parents and siblings. Right when I arrived, her mother was contacting her on Skype, and I was able to share in the conversation. About three hours later, I left the house with a great sense of restoration, and I knew that God was still giving me exactly what I needed, and when—even when it seemed so small.

Eventually, I moved to the DC area with a very little in savings and no job or apartment. I slept on the couch at a friend’s apartment for three weeks before finding a place with other friends. I was progressing very nicely in the process of getting a writing job with a non-profit, until they hired someone else. That was the last of my prospects, until I had a couple interviews with the company I now work for.

The job I have now is not what I’m doing the rest of my life. But it’s enough for now, especially when you consider also the amazing church that I’m involved with, and the fantastic friendships that I’ve made, as well as several experiences that I could not have had if I had continued to reject God and fail to trust Him.

Not everything is wonderful right now, and in the almost-year-and-a-half that I’ve been out in the DC area, I have experienced my share of drama, disappointment, and overall crap—including flirting with an eating disorder, dating/guy drama, and depression.

But when it’s bad, it’s not going to stay that way. And God is faithful throughout.

Psalm 86:15: But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

Even if you don’t want to take my word for it, there are dozens of examples out there, past and present, of God’s faithfulness, or how, at the very least, things can change and hardly anything in life is static. For some more worldly examples, I recently read an interview about a current plus-size fashion designer who used to run a children’s non-profit. A few years ago, a book I was reading had an “About the Author” section that mentioned a list of previous jobs she’d held, which included “burrito-maker.”

Your current circumstances can affect your future. But they probably will not be your future.

Now, lest anyone misinterpret me, here is what I’m NOT saying:

1. I’m not saying that you have no right to complain—I bet you do. But believe me, I’ve tried, and it doesn’t help.

2. I’m not saying I’ve had it worse than you so don’t tell me about it—everyone has different experiences and circumstances, one just as valid as the next.

3. I’m not saying that things will never get worse than this, or that things will get better for ever after—life is a series of ups and downs.

4. I’m not saying that your feelings during this difficult period are not valid. Although feelings cannot be the foundation of our decisions, they cannot be completely ignored or denied.

5. I’m not saying, “You should listen to me because I am all-knowing and wise, and I have had so many more experiences than you.” I just think that my experiences, and coming out of the other sides of them, are a testament to the fact that God is faithful, and you are all going to be OK, too. It just may end up different from what you had expected.

6. I’m not advocating being passive and waiting for change—you do have to take initiative and make changes to some extent.

So, just to reiterate what I’ve been saying: I know how you feel—and that’s why I know you’ll be OK.

Sincerely and With Love,

Me

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