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Archive for the ‘Fun & Games’ Category

Although I dislike holidays that seem to “require” you to celebrate in a way that involves some form of “going out to party,” I am rather fond of St. Patrick’s Day. Even though, like VD, it is based on a legend that may or may not have happened.

Unlike St. Valentine’s Day, StPD involves many things I love, or at least enjoy: the color green, the British Isles, snakes, alcohol consumption, Irish folk music, breaking Lent, and Irish accents.

I’m also not opposed to good luck, Lucky Charms, or shamrocks.

But those leprechauns can get a little creepy sometimes.

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I’m not sure how long this has been around TEH INTERWEBZ, but “6 Reasons Bacon is Better Than True Love” at “The Oatmeal” has become my Valentine’s Day philosophy this year, and probably forevermore.

A word of warning, however: language and illustrations are slightly salty. Much like bacon. But, also like bacon, they’re deliciously hilarious.

Happy Friday!

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I know that we said we would try to be better about posting, and I did intend to post an FF last week. (And I actually do have two new posts in progress.) But sadly, in the span of exactly one week, Bethany and I both experienced family tragedies. Needless to say, these events put neither of us in the mood or state of mind to post anything new. I hope this can be rectified in the coming weeks. But don’t cry for me (Argentina), and enjoy your Friday instead, starting with this (admittedly small) FF revival!

(Based on my own personal experience, this looks pretty accurate, actually.)

Happy Friday!

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I didn’t have time this week to look for my next batch of hilarious eHarmony profile pics (but they’re coming, I promise), since work was super-busy, and after work I had to rest to ward off a cold or flu or something. In fact, I had no idea what to do about Friday Frivolity, until I came across THIS LITTLE PIECE OF GENIUS.

I know not everyone out there is a fan of, or even approves of, the Harry Potter books. I happen to love them, and therefore thought this was HILARIOUS:

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

(JSYK: Probably not going to have a FF next week, seeing as it’s CHRISTMAS!!)

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During a recent dark period of “NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE MEEEEE” stupidity, I decided to try eHarmony (again). A few months later, I am utterly, mind-crumblingly bored with the selections and the entire process. When I realized how many of my “matches” eHarmony photos were giving me some good laughs, I thought I could use them to give others a laugh, and perhaps teach a brief lesson on online “dating profile photo etiquette.”

Note: I’m not making fun of these guys’ characters, or their looks. They’re all quite good-looking guys, and I’m sure they’re perfectly decent people. But in a time and place when one wants to give the best first-impression possible, using only the written word and a photo … well, you’d think they might have tried a little harder. Also, I did not edit these photos—color, cropping, etc—except to take measures to protect their identities.

Rule #1: No ex-girlfriends. And if you do have photos with girls, THIS IS WHY THEY HAVE CAPTIONS. At least explain who they are—friends, sisters, cousins, chem lab partner, etc. Don’t lazily half-crop them out. We’re not stupid: WE SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. A sloppy crop fools no one. You look lazy and cheap.

Proof:

cutoutgf

For some photos, I did not need to take any measures to protect this man’s identity. He did it himself, providing a vague idea of his interests (mechanical things? ropes and tubes? boating?) but pretty much no clue about what he looks like:

onriverinshadow

Always keep in mind, this is eHarmony, not MySpace. Use of deep, emo pics when you are clearly neither is funny if you like irony, but not if it’s the only picture in this guy’s profile:

poutysepia

For THIS photo, I really wish that I didn’t feel obligated to protect the man’s identity, because you really have to see his full expression to understand why I consider this photo a fail. His eyes, looking directly into the camera, coupled with this infuriatingly smug grin, just SCREAMS, “I am holding this baby so I can look more attractive to the women who want one for themselves. Yes, I am a completely smug, manipulative man. Take it all in, ladies. Bask in the glory of my man-with-baby attractiveness.” But you can at least still see the smug grin.

(This method, obviously, doesn’t work on me. That’s probably why the photo so enraged me rather than making me laugh.)

yeahigotababy

But one thing to remember is: strangling puppies is not usually attractive.

puppystrangler

As always, happy Friday!!!

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This video needs no introduction, really…

The saddest part: update the hairdos, put the information into an online profile, and you have eHarmony. I KNOW THIS FROM EXPERIENCE.

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I have this thing about analogies: I love them. I can pull them out of the air like you wouldn’t believe. That’s probably a huge reason why I absolutely love Dr. House. Strictly speaking, of course, that would mean it’s the writers of House that I love. But that’s being picky. Anyway, Bethany and I are always laughing at the random analogies I come up with to illustrate life’s weirdnesses, and Tuesday was no exception.

To provide a bit of background for the analogy, here’s an abridged version of the Gchat conversation we were having when I had the brainwave:Bethany: It’s weird. I started making a list of an alternate projection of my life sans man.
Because yeah, I guess it’s totally possible that I’ll never get married.
And so I want to at least be able to look out at the future (which I am well aware I cannot project) and at least have a sort of interesting vista.

me: And what have you found?

Bethany: Well, among other things that God really means it when he says not to worry about tomorrow and to seek first the kingdom
So, that I should be doing things I can actually do
And change things I can actually change

me: Aha

Bethany: But I’ve also realized that to have a productive, happy single life, I’ll have to have more initiative than I would if I were married
But that’s probably not a bad thing. …
I really do think singleness, whether for a week or a lifetime, takes creativity
Because, marriage is sort of the — pre-planned life path.

me: Oh, that’s very true.
And probably why a lot of people consider it the boring, and/or “cop out” route.

Bethany: Probably so. It is definitely my “default”
Which isn’t bad, but if it doesn’t happen, I’m going to have a good life. Darn it.

me: Though the crew on the S.S. Boundless would argue otherwise, that marriage is a more exciting adventure than anything singleness could POSSIBLY offer.

Bethany: Haha
And I say, with you, HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF PAUL?

Anyway, so that’s how our conversation was going…So I thought…

You know what? Let’s say that marriage and singleness are both different meals that you can have.

Marriage is like a traditional Thanksgiving meal—you already have an idea of what’s coming, and what foods are involved: turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and pumpkin pie. This meal, however, involves other people, working together to make sure the meal goes well, that it is attractive and nutritious and delicious and not boring, and that those in attendance do not drive each other crazy.

Singleness is like having a pile of different ingredients at your disposal, but you are putting together the meal by yourself, from scratch deciding what you want to get out of it, and which ones you combine to achieve that goal. Oh, and you don’t have a recipe.

If you are a lifelong single, you have to consume what you make … so it better be tasty, nutritious, and enjoyable, making good use of the ingredients and resources you have.

If you eventually get married, the same thing applies, but whatever you’ve made while you’re single (“food baggage,” if you will) is going to be brought to the “Thanksgiving dinner”—and someone else has to eat it with you. So, again, you better make it good.

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