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Archive for May, 2009

I found this on the absolutely fascinating blog, TYWKIWDBI (Things You Wouldn’t Know If We Didn’t Blog Incessantly), which definitely lives up to its name. When I saw this in Google Reader this morning, I knew I HAD to feature it here. It seems just like the sort of thing Bethany would do.

marry or not

Do you know who it was? It was, in fact, Charles Darwin’s own to-marry-or-not-to-marry internal debate. The original online source is here, along with the story’s conclusion.

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Well, sorry for the lack of posting lately, as usual, but I thought it was at least time for another Friday Frivolity. Lately I’ve been sneaking out early and going to various things on Fridays (a weekend home in Ohio, a retreat with my missions team, a weekend being a history nerd at Colonial Williamsburg …), but this weekend is less tightly scheduled, so I have no reason to dash off.

I was browsing the xkcd comics yesterday, and found one that made me absolutely crack up, because I did not realize that guys did this, too.

thinking ahead

As for myself: guilty. It also made me think of this song, from Hairspray:

As always, happy Friday!!

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I don’t know if I’ve ever actually used the phrase “Close, but no cigar,” but it came into my head when I was reading this article about Top 10 Tips to Woo Your Lady Love. Some of the tips sounded good, I’d say they’d work for me, while others bordered on offensive. My reactions ranged from, “Hmm, yeah, I’d agree with that,” to, “Wow … no. What a jerk.”

Let’s just dive into them straightaway, shall we?

1. Be Unpredictable.
Well, right away, we’ve got a tricky one. I would rephrase this to be, “Be Dependable, but Not Boring,” or, “Surprise Her Occasionally.” Being consistently unpredictable (the ultimate oxymoron, I guess) gets old. Fast. I don’t much care for surprises, and I don’t like to guess, but that’s a personal thing (which I get from my mom—HI MOM!). If I went on a date with a guy I hardly know, I’d hate to be surprised, lest he make us both miserable by taking me to a seafood restaurant or a modern art exhibit. Many women, I’m sure, would LOVE a guy who keeps them guessing. All. The time. I think this also depends on where you are in the relationship, because most new romances are already pretty unpredictable, right?

2. Get Physical, Early.
Don’t worry, Passion and Purity friends, he specifically mentions thumb wrestling and hand-holding. As a person whose primary love language is Touch, I’m all for this one (in a non-skanky way) but others may be extremely offended, uncomfortable, or just put off by early demonstration of minor physical affection, so “Know your audience and be respectful” is good accompanying advice. (As well as “Leave room for the Holy Spirit!”) However, the advice’s author adds, Then, remark “Hope you’re not getting ideas, just because we are holding hands”; roll your eyes and say “Women!” Not gonna lie, this would get my hand snatched out of his pretty quickly.

3. Learn to Walk Away.
I have nothing to add to his explanation, as I agree 100%.

4. Lead, Don’t Follow
Here is one of many cases where the advice in general is good, but comes with a poor example. “Hey I’m going to see XYZ movie, at 8 tonight. Wanna tag along?” “Tag along?” I don’t want to tag along to a date, and I resent being asked to do so. But in this case, as with most others, maybe it’s just me. The thing is, this is not good if the guy approaches all dates this way, since most women want to feel like the guy actually had her in mind when he made plans. If this is a night out with a couple other friends, by all means, invite the woman in this manner. But if it’s a date, just the two of them, for crying out loud he needs to at least say something more like, “So we’re on for Saturday? Great! I thought we’d go [insert location] at 7:30 and then [insert additional activity]. Sound good?” Not only did he take charge, but it seems like he put some consideration into it.

5. Compliment Her.
Duh. But unfortunately, here the author again suffers from Bad Example-itis. “I like the way you’re so well co-ordinated” is much better than “You’re so beautiful, are you a model?” True, but a woman is not a sofa set. Nor is this an episode of What Not to Wear. The second “bad” IS bad, because it’s both cheesy and insincere. If any guys out there want to avoid cliched compliments, talk to my cousin. Not only is he vocal about them, but he notices the most random things. He once complimented my earlobes. And was genuine about it. I kid you not. And he’s happily married, to boot! Well, he’s married to Beth, not to boot, but that’s beside the point.

6. Don’t Ease the Tension
By which he means “sexual tension” I think, but his examples are guaranteeing another type of tension: namely, a punch in the face. Ask her if she’s flattering you just so you will go home with her. Be cocky. A good rule-of-thumb is to say all the stuff that women typically tell men. No, actually. Don’t. The general rule is, Confidence: Good, Cocky: Bad. The only exception permissible is Dr. House, and he doesn’t actually exist. You need some moments of no tension so that you’re actually comfortable with each other, right? RIGHT? AM I CRAZY, HERE?

7. Tease Her.
“Know Your Audience!!!” is a vital tip-within-a-tip here. Oh my GOSH, but his example is terrible. I’m just going to post the whole thing here:
Teasing a woman the right way demonstrates confidence and humour. For instance, if she is walking behind you as you enter a restaurant, turn around, look at her sternly and say “Stop following and staring at me!” Then mock about about why women are always in a hurry to tear off your clothes before even knowing you. Interpret anything she does as if she is hitting on you.
I love how he tells guys to tease the “right” way, and then goes on to demonstrate the very WRONG way. At least, early in the dating relationship. This is not a good way to start off, but a couple who’s gotten rather comfortable together might have fun with this. On the first date, however, doing this would get him quickly tossed into the “Never Date Again: Arrogant Jerk” bin. At least for me. I’m sure I’m not alone here. “Interpreting ANYTHING as if she’s hitting on you” sounds like the author got his own advice from the Michael Scott School of Pursuing Women, and even if it’s as a joke, that would get real old, real fast. Me, I’d probably be nervous on a first date, so if my date yelled at me for following him, I’d stop and turn and leave, possibly bursting into tears. But I must also ask, Why is he going first into the restaurant? Because he didn’t hold the door open for her! BAD MOVE. DUMP HIM.

8. Learn How to Be a Great Kisser
Sounds good. But HOW you learn, well, that’s territory I’d rather not wander into.

9. Do the Push-Pull
Without the description, I’d have no idea what he means. So here you go:
Open the door for her, but complain that she walks slower than your granny. Feed her at a restaurant but roll your eyes and mutter about how she’s a baby. While walking on the street, have her walk on the inside to protect her from the traffic; but tease her about how she’s delicate. If you can tease her and still treat her like a lady, chances are, before long, she will be lattoo over you.
If there are any men reading this, I beg you, for the sake of any and all women you may encounter, DO NOT DO THIS. “Be Bipolar” is NOT a good dating tip. I don’t know what “lattoo” means, but if it’s anything positive, it’s a big fat fail.

10. Have a Life!
Indeed! This applies to all healthy human beings, however, of either sex and all ages. I was prepared to give him 100% agreement on this tip, except at the end, when he says, Don’t chase women, attract them. Not only does this reverse one of the basic rules of female dating behavior, it implies that the women don’t really have lives of their own. What the heck? Call me a bluffo traditionalist, but I refuse to do the chasing. Does this bit of advice mean that a man should go hang gliding and then expect women to fall to pieces over him? Too bad—the women are off living their own lives, too! (Or at least, they should be.) So who pursues whom? Well, I tend to favor tradition here.

Once again, you can find the full article here.

For the record? I’m not looking to woo a lady love. Just wanted to make sure that was clear. I am, however, always intensely amused by words of advice given to both men and women to attract the opposite sex. Since my last entry was about an article from men to women, I thought it would be fun to over-analyze and critique this list, from men to men—about women.

Now, this article that I just ripped to shreds IS from the Times of India, so some of my distaste may be just from cultural differences. There might also be translation issues. I’m pretty sure that Bethany and I will disagree (as we so often do!) in our opinions of this list. I think that just goes to show you that maybe we are all so different as human beings that there really ISN’T a sure-fire, fail-safe, other-cliche, top-10 list that will guarantee a man access to a lady’s heart (or a lady into a man’s heart, to be fair).

Still, ladies, I want your input! (And guys too, I guess.) What would you think of a guy who would employ all 10 of these pieces of advice?

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